Relationships | Health & Wellness

Do You Have Toxic Friends? 84% of Women Do!

toxic friends 300x200 Do You Have Toxic Friends? 84% of Women Do! Do you have a “poisonous pal”? According to a survey of more than 18,000 women by SELF.com and TODAY.com, 84% of women have at least one venomous friend who has brought toxicity into the relationship through belittling, backstabbing or judging. And, despite the negative feelings, 83% of us keep the friendship going because it’s too difficult to end it.

“More than 8 in 10 women say they have a toxic friend – a social vampire who sucks their time and joy – yet nobody admits to being a bad friend themselves,” said Julia Sommerfeld, senior editor for TODAY.com. “Unlike family, we get to choose our friends, so it’s a bit surprising that so many of us hang on to people that make us unhappy. Our results are a healthy reminder to surround yourself with friends who support and fortify you – and also, to look at your own behavior and make sure you are truly a friend worth keeping.”

So what makes a friend toxic? Here are the top five traits:

The “Narcissist” – 65 percent of people have endured an egomaniac pal.
The “Chronic Downer” – 59 percent of people have a friend that is overly needy and emotionally draining.
The “Critic” – 55 percent of people have become friends with someone that is overly critical.
The “Underminer” – 45 percent of people have a friend that delivers backhanded compliments.
The “Flake” – 37 percent of people have a friend who is reliably unreliable.

Tell us: do you have friends that could be considered toxic? Why do you keep the relationships going?

Gloss How-To: Make Sex a Priority

sex Gloss How To: Make Sex a Priority You work overtime, help the kids with their homework, drive to and from soccer practice, make dinner, pay bills, clean up…and you’re still supposed to make time for sex with your spouse? Keeping things spicy while keeping up with your responsibilities can seem difficult at times, but it just might be critical to the health of your marriage.

Jenny Block, author of Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage, says the key is to “keep your sex life at the top.” There are no set rules for how often you have to have sex or even what a healthy sex life means to you. But you need to communicate with your partner and decide what your basic sexual needs are. Then, those needs have to become a priority.

Too often, couples put their sex life to the bottom of the to-do list. When “take out the garbage” becomes more important than your sex life, it’s a sure sign things might be getting stale. A healthy sex life keeps you connected physically and emotionally with your partner.

The benefits of a healthy sex life extend well beyond your relationship as well. Sex is a great stress reliever, burns calories, boosts cardiovascular health and has even been linked to improved immunity.

Internet Connection Leads to Love Connection

couple Internet Connection Leads to Love Connection Step over Chuck Woolery, the Internet now plays host to love connections. In fact, Stanford researchers surmise that the Internet will soon become the main method of meeting a mate. Odds are you already know many people who met online — just ask your paired up friends and see. I’ll proudly admit it.

“But he could be an ax murderer.” Those were the first words out of my mother’s mouth when she discovered I met my boyfriend online. I guess she’s right. It’s not as if those online dating profiles specifically ask the “are you now or have you ever been an ax murderer” question. But I lucked out; I have a great guy in my life who I just happened to meet online. In fact, he and I often comment on how — if it hadn’t been for the Internet — we never would have met. Not only would distance have made it unlikely, but we probably wouldn’t have connected at a casual meeting, because we don’t seem to fit together at first glance. We come from different backgrounds and I’m way more goody-two-shoes than he is, but when it comes to values and opinions over the really important things in life, he and I are just like two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together.

My success story isn’t unusual. Stanford researchers found that people with an Internet connection were more likely to be in a relationship than those who aren’t on the Web. As recently as 1990, the main way of meeting your partner was through friends. But that number is on the decline and Internet romance is on the rise. What’s more, break up rates are slightly lower for couples who meet online.

Relationship Insecurity Can Lead to Real Heartache

insecurity1 300x224 Relationship Insecurity Can Lead to Real Heartache Does he really like me? Will he call? Why is he looking at that other woman? Is she prettier than me? Does he think I’m fat? Sometimes, we women are our own worst enemies. Negative, insecure and worrying thoughts can really wreak havoc on your self-esteem and your relationship. Recent research shows that relationship insecurity can lead to health problems.

The insecure-in-love had an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, ulcers, stroke and chronic pain. Goodness knows I’ve had my share of relationship-related stress, but letting it lead to ulcers and such seems pretty extreme to me.

So how can you get over relationship insecurity, relax and feel secure? Getting past that insecurity is worth the effort … after all, there’s nothing sexier than confidence.

- If you’re dealing with relationship insecurity, put voice to your fears. Talk to your partner about your worries — odds are, you’ll figure out that many of your worries aren’t very rational.

- Start to understand what behaviors trigger your insecurities. For some things, you may be able to ask your partner to be sensitive to your needs. For others, you may have to face up to the fact that your fear isn’t justified.

- Maybe situations in your past have made you afraid of being hurt — try to keep in mind that while it’s important to learn from past relationships, you can’t hold your current partner accountable for others’ actions.

- Accept yourself for who you are — flaws and all. We’re all unique and beautiful in our own way and nobody is perfect.

- Open yourself up to loving someone fully and being loved in return. It’s a vulnerable position that puts you at risk of being hurt, but real love is worth that risk.

Beware: Divorce is Contagious

divorce 300x200 Beware: Divorce is Contagious Has anyone in you family recently gone through a divorce? Did your best friend break-up with her boyfriend not too long ago? If so, you could be next.

According to a new collaborative study from researchers at Brown, Harvard and the University of California San Diego, divorce can spread between close friends and family creating clusters of divorces up to two degrees of separation within networks. Researchers say that when friends split, your odds of a marital split increase by 75%, and the divorce of a friend of a friend increases your chances of breaking up by 33%.

“These results go beyond previous work intimating a person-to-person effect to suggest a person-to-person-to-person effect,” Brown University’s Dr. Rose McDermott said. “Individuals who get divorced may influence not only their friends, but their friends’ friends as the propensity to divorce spreads.”

What do you think of this research? Based on your circle of friends and family, could the study be on to something?

Meant To Be Together? A Test Can Tell

engagement 300x200 Meant To Be Together? A Test Can Tell Is your relationship meant to be or destined not to last? A new study says that a simple word association test can determine the longevity of your union. Researchers at the University of Rochester said that this test finds out how couples really feel about each other indirectly, unlike previous tests that ask couples direct questions about their mates.

“The difficulty with [direct question tests] is that it assumes that they know how happy they are, and that’s not always the case,” said lead researcher Ronald D. Rogge.

In his new study of 222 individuals in romantic relationships, Dr. Rogge and his team gauged automatic reactions to positive and negative words on a screen side-by-side with the participant’s partner’s name. Participants who quickly associated their partner’s name with the negative words were more likely to separate over the next year, while those that primarily reacted to the positive terms had stronger relationships.

Marriage Doesn’t Have to Equal Weight Gain

Couple eating 300x300 Marriage Doesnt Have to Equal Weight Gain I always notice that when people are happy in relationships they tend to both gain weight. Which is why I’m super conscious about it. Put-the-ice-cream-down, Jeannine! Truth is, just because he’s eating, doesn’t mean you need to too.

“Believe it or not, being married actually triples your risk of being overweight,” says Dr. David Edelson of Thin-site.com.

Studies show that people in stable relationships are more likely to be obese than single people. What’s the theory there? Once you have him hooked you can let yourself go? I sure hope not! Here are some ways to avoid the “happy-in-love” weight gain:

Share: When you’re a couple you’re always going out to eat with other couples and dining out can lead to over-eating. Share your meals, most restaurants over-serve anyway.

Support: If one partner lives a healthier lifestyle of eating or working out, don’t try to sabotage it to match with yours. Support it for them or join it!

Dine at Home: Cooking meals together is not only romantic, but it can also control your portions.

Sleep: Make sure you’re not losing sleep over staying out late together, partying, or your partners sleep habits (snoring). Studies show that not getting enough hours of sleep can lead to weight gain.

I hope this didn’t scare you from walking down the aisle — but will make you more conscious of living a healthy lifestyle together that will make you both feel better about yourselves and relationship now and in the future!

Sex & Relationships: Couples Yoga

couplesyoga 300x197 Sex & Relationships: Couples Yoga Every relationship is unique in its own way, but they all have one thing in common – the sparks that keep them alive. If you’re looking to add some fuel to the fire and create a stronger bond between you and your man (plus steamy sexual tension) try couples yoga.

“Correcting his alignment and letting your partner follow your movements without your voice – just by eye contact – will help to create a deeper connection,” says Yoga and Fitness Expert, Juli Rathke, B.S.

Any extended period of eye contact is known to strengthen a bond, but the physical activity of yoga combined with the various positions is sure to stimulate physical chemistry too. So, take it to the mat and get ready to get it on. After all, it’s all about the mind and body connection, right?

Need some inspiration? Check out these couples yoga DVD selections:

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