Gloss How-To: Help Your Kids Transition to a New School

The start of the school year can be exciting, challenging, and fun albeit somewhat stressful for kids. But when your child is starting at a new school, the challenges are greater. Whether a move has necessitated a change of schools or your child has graduated to a different building in the same school system, a new school can present new obstacles.

When my son moved to the middle school last year, I noticed a big change in his school performance. Never a great fan of homework, he soon realized that his sixth grade teachers didn’t pay as close attention as his grade school teachers did. He started not writing assignments in his planner and being untruthful about homework. By the time I found out about the assignments and made sure he did the work, he often had a reduced grade if not a failing grade because the work was so late. Motivating my son to want to excel in school became my biggest challenge of the year.

According to a study of New York schools, my son’s waning motivation isn’t unusual. The study found that, after transitioning to a middle school, student achievement dropped in both math and English. As a contrast, students who stayed in K-8 schools did better during the middle school years.

So what can you do if your child had to switch schools this year? Dr. Christopher Willard Psy.D, author of Child’s Mind: Mindfulness Practices to Help Our Children Be More Focused, Calm and Relaxed, has some tips for parents:

- Talk to your kids. Simply talking about fears can alleviate some concerns and make your children feel heard. “What’s most helpful is to anticipate with kids what their fears are and what their hopes are and try to talk with them about what they can realistically expect,” says Dr. Willard.

- Foster social connections. A brand new school means brand new faces and friendships. Students friendships are even likely to shift when moving up to a different school within the same district. “Encourage them to think about their favorite things and find some commonalities with classmates in their new school,” suggests Dr. Willard. “As a parent, you can help by getting them signed up for after-school activities and clubs where they can meet other kids with shared passions.”

- Keep an eye on your child. A shift in schools can be stressful for kids, so keep a close eye. “Be sure to watch for signs of isolation and depression in your child,” says Dr. Willard. “Check in with teachers and other caregivers about your kids social progress on a regular basis.”

- Organize, organize, organize. Particularly for middle schoolers, academics can take a back seat to all of the emotional turmoil. Help your child find ways to organize their workload such as a calendar or planner. “Help them plan out smaller deadlines for larger pieces of work and manage their time.” It’s also important to remember that middle schoolers don’t like parents to hover. “It’s a time when kids want parents to back off in terms of looking over their shoulders on schoolwork, and having a parent (even though everyone does) seems mortifyingly embarrassing,” says Dr. Willard. Help your child find ways to organize and support their efforts, but don’t hover.

- Praise hard work. Parents are quick to post high grades on the fridge, but kids need more encouragement than that. “Offer praise for their hard work, not just their successes,” says Dr. Willard. “Kids who give up are often reinforced more for outcomes than for their hard work and dedication.”