Keeping Mood Out of Discipline

Though we’d probably all love to don our Supermom capes 24/7, the simple fact is we’re human and we all get frustrated or tired from time to time.

A new study found that parents who are aggressive with each other are more likely to spank their kids. Within this study, spousal aggression doesn’t necessarily mean domestic violence, it also encompasses controlling behaviors like denying money or critical behaviors like disparaging your partner. The study also found that, often, the parent who spanked the child was the one who treated aggressively by their partner. So, in a nutshell, when we’re hurt we’re more likely to take it out on our kids.

It’s a hard truth to swallow isn’t it? When I read about the study my first reaction was to say “Oh, but that’s not me.” I don’t spank my son and never have. But when I really stopped and took a look at myself I have to admit the study does apply to me. I may not spank, but when I’ve just had-it-up-to-here, I’m much more short tempered with my son. At times, the consequences I’ve assigned have been disproportionate to the behavior. I’m not proud of it … but those are the moments that I’ve let my Supermom cape slip off my shoulders.

It’s important that, as parents, we remember to take a step back when our emotions are taking over. After getting control of a situation, there’s nothing wrong with taking a break before doling out consequences. If you’re upset, ask your partner to take over while you get a breather. If, like me, you’re a single parent, there’s nothing wrong with sending your child to their room before you decide on an appropriate consequence. (There have been time when I’ve sent both myself and my child to our rooms — I need the breather and alone time as much as he does!)

The whole point of consequences is for our kids to learn from them. Unreasonable consequences doled out from anger aren’t very likely to have good lessons attached to them … at least not the lessons we want our kids to learn.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has some tips on disciplining your child.